My Turtle Teacher

By Suzanna Kennedy

In March 1998, I went to Hawaii to swim with the dolphins.  What I didn’t expect was the giant sea turtles that I had the pleasure to swim with as well.  They were so big and slow and graceful. 

At the time of my trip, I had just gone through a major life change and intuitively could see that there was going to be a lot of travel in my future.  I wanted to achieve a feeling within myself that I could feel at home anywhere.  This was the goal I set for myself at the beginning of my trip. 

While snorkeling, I found dozens of sea turtles and admired how they gracefully carried their home on their backs.  Wherever they were, they were home.  So I identified with this aspect of them.  I bought myself a ring in the shape of a turtle -- to remind me.  And oddly enough, by the end of the trip, I did notice that I began to feel at home anywhere -- that home was in my heart -- and I carried that with me always.  A far cry from the Cancer homebody I used to be.

After returning from my Hawaii trip, I realized something else about turtles.  They have a hard shell of protection around them.  Which in some sense is good, to be protected from harm.  But on the other hand, when you think about it, turtles are not very cuddly -- like puppies or kittens.  When they sense anything out of the ordinary, they quickly withdraw their head and legs into themselves.  And nothing can penetrate their shells.  Not pain, not love, not tenderness.

Unfortunately, I also identified with this aspect of the turtle.  I definitely had developed a shell around me.  No wonder I felt so alone and people described me as unknowable and untouchable.  Time to let go of the hard shell.  Time to allow myself to trust that if I opened myself to it, I could feel a lot more of the love and tenderness of this world. 

So I talked to my spirit guides and asked for help in shedding my protective shell.  I asked them to let me know that I had been successful at getting rid of the shell, by breaking the turtle ring I wore on my finger. 

Time went by and with sheer intention, I noticed that I was letting down my guard more, and letting people closer more often -- and it was feeling really good.  And even in this opening and letting go of the protection, people didn’t hurt me.  They responded by letting down their wall of protection.  I was noticing much more intimacy in my relationships.  And in September I noticed that one of the four prongs of my ring had broken, but the ring stayed intact on my finger.

There is a man who lives in town, and I was feeling very drawn to him.  But for some reason, I felt that he was so much better than I was and probably wouldn’t find me attractive.  So my fear of rejection kept me from letting him know of my interest, my curiosity, my desire to get to know him better.  I attended a workshop called “Journey to Your Own Heart,” which helped focus me on speaking my truth, from my heart, with respect.  So I decided it was time to practice what I was learning and let this man know my feelings. 

It was so hard.  And I was so scared.  But I finally approached him and asked for some private time.  When I spoke to him and made my request, it was from the heart.  No games, no illusions.  Unfortunately, it wasn’t a good time for him, but he did agree to speak with me later. 

I felt so much relief and release.  I had finally moved past my fear, spoken my truth, from my heart, and let go of the outcome.  And for some reason, I looked down at my turtle ring.  I found that it had broken completely and I could no longer wear it.  Thank you Spirit! – for the validation.  Whoever would have thought a broken turtle ring would bring me so much joy?

I didn’t know what the outcome of the conversation would be with this man.  And oddly, it doesn’t matter to me at all now.  I honored my own heart by speaking my truth.  I found that when I love and honor myself – it gives great allowance for others to speak and live their truth.  I found the freedom and power of moving past my fear.  I learned the meaning of courage – feel the fear, and do it anyway. 

Amazing, isn’t it, how much you can learn from a turtle?